Free Ted!

God damn it! I have to forgive Ted Cruz again! For the quadrillionth time!

Why do I have to forgive an asshole like Ted Cruz? (How long, Lord? How long? Why me?)

Because we created him, and everything we can’t stand is a boomerang which we launched.

Also I’m not going to be Them. I’m not a rally bigot, or a Whataboutist or a gun-toting loser looking for his mama. I need no hat to remind me what I am.

No. I’m an American, and we have a better way.

We have a system. We have objectivity. We have collaboration and we have a wide frame of reference going all the way back to Athens, Greece and Constantinople and Magna Carta.

We aren’t some mere doofus in an airport with a stupid IPhone 8 and an attitude.

We Americans don’t wake up in the morning to don fake feathers and holler about incorrect dates in the American Revolution like some rooster drunk on home-made mash. No sir.

We have work to do in this country and Ted is not even slightly interested in doing that work.

But despising Ted as I do turns me into a disgusting minor-league version of Ted- an inferior version of a highly inferior individual.

No! No! Again, no!

I forgive you for being a toxic gasbag, Ted.

You are not worth the powder.

It’s only partly your fault. We allowed media to consolidate. We allowed a total Nazi to be the most popular “personality” in radio history. We allowed elections to be all about cash and infotainment. We proclaimed the ascension of yahoos and buttheads into the chambers of Democracy and rewarded them for bad behavior.

No. I pray to my plastic Jesus to deliver me from the evil of Ted. And there is only one way to make that happen.

And it’s truly gross. I forgive you, Ted.

You don’t belong in government, and we need to set you free to gambol in the fields of corporate enterprise as a highly paid consultant to a useless enterprise or start-up. Free Ted!

Eventually we work together. We have to.
So there: my American Dream.