Ok I guess I’m just going to have to write to the Department of Culture to find out what’s going on!

Did you see? That movie star just smacked that other film actor right across the face.

Well. I’m not surprised.

It’s exactly how I feel every time I turn the television on.

Reality? Oh please God, no.

I’ll tell you why.

It’s trying to attack me, my TV.

Example: The news anchor sometimes- quite unexpectedly, without warning- reaches right through my tv screen to poke me in the nose. Or at least that’s how it feels.

It’s annoying.

This is what television is. I think of the vintage toy some of us demoralized boomers grew up with, Rock’em Sock’em Robots. There really is no escape now. Your plastic feet are fused to the mat.

That’s how I feel everyday now!

It’s an endless apocalyptic chase-scene followed by a flaming crash and the epilogue, a smack-down of everything we hold dear.

The Bachelorette just threw wine in my face.

The host told me I have no talent go home.

(Wait. I AM home!)

And the former president oh never mind.

sigh.

So I understand the Slap Seen ‘Round the World. I’m not saying it makes sense, just that I understand exactly who was being slugged.

And my tv is a happy/slappy spy for Russia, to boot. (And a spy for everyone else.) So there’s that.

Have you considered buying a shack on an abandoned island, and then fixing it up into the perfect tiny house?

-No.